Are there double standards in your marriage?

double standard is a rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people. 

In a marriage, double standards may show up as one expecting their needs to be met without meeting the needs of the spouse.  Sometimes this is done without even realizing it (albeit, sometimes it is intentional).

Do you expect quiet when you are sleeping, but then make noise when your spouse is sleeping?  Do you want your spouse to notice when you are down, but don’t notice or act when they are feeling down?  Do you want to spend time with your parents, but dismiss your spouse’s desires to spend time with their parents?  Do you spend money on frivolous things for yourself, but are critical when your spouse spends on themselves?  Do you expect your spouse not to share certain things, but then go sharing yourself? Do you make snide comments, but then get upset when your spouse says similar things to you? Do you want ‘me’ time, but don’t give that time to your spouse?

Sometimes you are completely unaware that you are doing this.   If your spouse calls you out on this, listen to how they experience what is going on and thank them for bringing it up. They are expressing something that can make your relationship stronger.    Do not shoot down what they have just shared. Don’t get defensive. Even if was said in not the easiest way to hear, listen to the message, not the packaging.  “Thank you I didn’t realize I was doing that.  I’m glad you brought up your perspective.”

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