Get to you know your spouse’s preferred ways of doing things – like relaxing, hearing difficult news, feel loved, work through problems, etc.
Ask. Ask. Ask.
You can ask in theory – before you actually are in a situation: “How do you feel loved? What can I do more of?” “What would be a great vacation for you?” You can also ask when you are in the situation: “What is your preferred way to work through this issue? What will be my role, what will be yours?”
NOTE: While it may be best to try to accommodate your spouse’s preferences, sometimes it is just too difficult. Talk about that.