So much of conflict stems from a lack of clarity. Too often, we jump to conclusions about the other person’s intent – usually to the negative. Instead, pause and ask for clarity. “I’d like to check in and clear something up together.” This might be somewhat uncomfortable (at first), but avoiding the question brings lots of ambiguity and assumptions. And conflict.
On the flip, if you see that your spouse does not have a clear picture of something, offer clarity. “I want to check in and share my reasoning behind my action or words.” Note: your nonverbals matter a lot!