People often ask questions when they are really making statements.
A question is a request for information or clarification. A statement disguised as a question is about the dynamics between the sender and the receiver.
-Are you leaving now? May actually mean: I don’t want you to leave now, but I am shy about saying so.
-Don’t you have to be somewhere at 8:00? May actually mean: I want you to leave now so I can get back to what I was doing.
-Did you take out the garbage? May actually mean: I want you to take out the garbage.
Many times, the person being asked this kind of question takes it at face value, as a request for information, and answers accordingly. And since this is not the real intention of the question, it leaves both frustrated.
On the other hand, when phrased as a statement, your spouse has a much better understanding of what is really going on for you and they can respond to the real issue. They could generate options or alternatives.
These should be worded as statements.
-I want to spend the evening together.
-I have all this work to do; I need some quiet time to get it done.
-Please take out the garbage.
By making statements instead of asking questions, communication remains clear. The real issues are more likely to get addressed in a friendly, respectful and even caring manner.