A Date Night is a typically pre-planned evening when you carve out some time for yourselves from your children and other responsibilities. (Of course, Date Nights can also be “Date Days.) It is about leaving the ordinary and doing something that isn’t part of your typical routine – together, as a couple.

It is about laughing together, talking about topics of mutual importance and interest, trying new things … and most importantly, keeping your spark bright.

What you do during your date night can be anything that works for you: a hike, a nice dinner, window shopping, a walk in the book store, a visit to a museum. Anything. 

You can also preplan the topic of discussion. You can talk about topics that help you get to know each other more deeply and intimately, you can dream together, you can reminisce.

The idea is to nurture your relationship, keeping it interesting and exciting. Always.

Make time together a priority. Schedule a date night or day often. Put it on your calendar. Keep that time sacred.

In this series, we share ideas for dates and topics for intimate discussions.

#15 Talk about Leaving your Legacy

A legacy gives you an opportunity to live for a purpose that’s bigger than yourself. For generations to come! Together, think about what legacy you want to leave as a couple, and also, as individuals.  Then, start living so that the legacy is made.

  • What do we want our lives to stand for? How do we
    want to be remembered by our family and friends? By those beyond our circle of family and friends?

  • What kind of an impact do you want to have on our community? On our fields of work?

  • What is the balance of teachable moments and more formal teaching of our values?  What might be some ways we can impart and demonstrate our values so they have lasting impact. 

#14 Talk about Someone You Admire

Talking about someone whom you admire the most can help you to reflect upon your life and what values you hold.  Discuss what you admire and what you learned about your values.

  • Who is someone you admire?  What are some attributes that the person has that you admire? What about those traits is so admirable to you; why these traits specifically?
  • How you have been impacted by this person? How has your life moved forward because of this person?  What was your life like before and since you heard of/ met this person?
  • What did you learn about yourself from this person?What attributes do you value?  What do you hope to integrate into your life? How might you do that?  What are small steps that you can take right now?

#13 Talk about Accomplishments

There is pleasure in delighting in each other’s happiness and accomplishments. One of the best ways to show your spouse you really care is to go out of your way to celebrate good things that happen to them. Celebrating success boosts self esteem and the morale for both of you. Knowing each other’s strengths also deepens your relationship. For this to happen, each of you must share your accomplishments and good fortune.

  • What was a situation or challenge that you addressed with good results? What actions did you take? What were the results? 
  • Which of your strengths, talents, character traits, habits or passions did you work from in order to achieve whatever it was?  [Name them and refer to them in the future.]
  • How do you like to celebrate such accomplishments?  In public? As a couple?

#12 Talk about Shavuos

Our earlier experiences around the holidays impact how we celebrate them as adults.  Sharing your Shavuos memories can help you both better understand why you feel certain ways about different aspects of Shavuos. You may also decide together about creating new family traditions and experiences. 

  • What was the typical Shavuos menu?

  • What are some Shavuos memories from high school/ seminary/ yeshiva days?

  • What does the yom tov of Shavuos mean to you?

#11 Talk about Technology Use

Technological advancements are transforming the ways families interact. It profoundly affects the family by decreasing family time, reducing socialization, and face-to-face interaction.  So much of technology use is unnecessary and is running away from discomfort or boredom. Talk about your technology habits and what you hope for your relationship and family.

  • What are some of the drawbacks of having so much technology? (Keep this focused to your family’s unique situations.)

  • Do we know how much time we actually spend on our phones? And what we are spending that time doing?

  • What is a situation where you felt that technology was really a problem? What was the circumstance? Who was involved? What were the consequences or fallout?

#10 Talk about how you Value Time

Time is our only non-renewable resource. Not everyone uses and values time in the same way.  How you use your time impacts your life. People who spend their time investing in others build better relationships. People who spend heir time doing profitable work generally make more money. People who spend their time in community work have a larger impact on the world. How do you value time?

  • If money were no issue, what are the top three ways you would spend your time?

  • What denotes time wasted for you? Does it depend on who you are with?

  • What denotes a good use of time for you?

  • What are some ways we can gain back some time?

  • more questions in the guide

Note: The objective is to explore together how you use your time. Where you are using time well and what obstacles are you facing in using your time effectively?  Be gentle on yourself and your spouse.

#9 Talk about your Family History

Any time you talk about what it means to be a part of your family, you strengthen the connection to family and what the family stands for.  Knowing where each other comes from can help each of you learn from and appreciate each other’s family stories. Talk to each other about your families  and the legacies.

You might talk about

  • Proud moments and regrettable moments in family history
  • Family values and traits that have been passed through the generations
  • How and when different people in the family history came to America
  • more questions in the guide

Note: The objective is to share where you come from. Definitely not to compare whose ancestry is better or more important.  Focus more on the people in the stories than the lineage.

#8 Talk about your Nostalgia

Nostalgia has the potential to lift people’s spirits, make them feel more connected to
others, and heighten the sense that life has
continuity and meaning. When
couples remind each other of fond memories, it strengthens the bonds between

You might talk about

  • Your dating experience
  • Negative experiences or challenges that now have a happy ending
  • What are some ‘firsts’ that are memorable 
  • more questions in the guide

The healthiest way to nostalgize is not to pine for the past—“Those were better days”—but rather to savor those memories as a treasure that can’t be taken away. 

#7 Talk about your Family Rituals

Family rituals are special things you do regularly as a family.  Rituals are different from routines in that rituals have symbolic meaning and are done at special occasions. (Family dinner is a routine, a special dinner celebration is a ritual.) In addition to being something to look forward to, these rituals and traditions also establish a foundation for family values and serve as special bonding experiences.  These rituals can be as unique and special as the family itself.

You might talk about

  • Family rituals around the holidays and other times of the year
  • How you felt when experiencing those rituals
  • If and how you might incorporate rituals in your family
  • more questions in the guide

#6 Talk about your Pesach experiences

Our earlier experiences around the holidays impact how we celebrate them as adults.  Sharing your Pesach memories can help you both better understand why you feel certain ways about different aspects of Pesach. You may also decide together about creating new family traditions and experiences.

You might talk about

  • The days leading up to Pesach
  • Pesach celebrations
  • more questions in the guide

#5 Talk about your family when you were growing up

When your spouse understands your childhood, it can help them better know you and why you think and act in ways that you do. Sharing can create intimacy and foster understanding and empathy. Talk about it.

You might talk about

  • What was your relationship with your parents and family members as you were growing up?
  • What do you want to bring from your family into ours?
  • more questions in the guide


#4 Talk about your ideas of food and mealtime

Food is fuel. But food offers so much more beyond being an essential requirement for life. We all have experiences with food. Everyone has a different attitude to food and mealtime, and it will mean different things to different people.
You might talk about

  • What does food and mealtime mean to you?
  • What do you want to be your family’s experiences around food? 
  • more questions in the guide

Try some new foods together.  

#3 Talk about your ideas of fun and adventure

How do you each like to have fun? What is the role of play and adventure in your lives?
You might talk about

  • What does adventure and fun mean to you?
  • What are your playfulness styles
  • more questions in the guide

Create a master list of fun things you’d each like to try and discuss how you might bring more of that into your lives. 
Plan your next adventure or at least something novel that you can do at home.

#2 Talk about Purim memories

Our earlier experiences around the holidays impact how we celebrate them as adults.  Sharing your Purim memories can help you both better understand why you feel certain ways about different aspects of Purim. You may also decide together about creating new family traditions and experiences.

You might share your memories of Purim costumes, Purim meals, songs, Mishloach Manos. And how you feel about those memories.

  • Listen to each other’s stories about Purim. With genuine, open curiosity; no judgment.
    This conversation should not be about creating plans or budgets for Purim.

#1 Talk about Money Styles

Money has meaning, beyond the expenses and the budgets and the arithmetic involved with saving and spending. The goal of this date night is to share what money means to you, and understand what money means to your spouse.

You might share about how your parents handled money, the messages you received about money, what money symbolized in your family and community and how all that impacts your own thoughts about money.

        Listen to each other’s stories around money. With genuine, open curiosity; no judgment.  You might take a money style quiz together.

        IMPORTANT: This conversation should not be about creating budgets, money making/saving ideas or harping on money mistakes of the past or current.

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