Describe your feelings rather than attack with them.

When you describe your feelings, do you use clarifying words to make them understood. “I’m sad and tearful” …” I feel a yearning to be closer” …”I’m feeling rather hurt and withdrawn” …”I’m stunned and embarrassed”. Notice that the description directly identifies the emotion.

Attacking with your feelings means using your affect as a weapon. Your voice gets loud, harsh, threatening, coldly hostile, sarcastic or needling. When you’re communicating cleanly you keep your voice as close as you can to your normal volume and inflection. As a result your partner can hear what you’re feeling without being overwhelmed or bludgeoned by it. – Couple Skills

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