When your spouse disagrees with you, they are not telling you about you, they’re telling you what is going on for them. They may not be expressing it in that way, but that is what is happening. It may come out as blame or belittling or some other way.
Usually, the other person’s behavior has nothing to do with you.
– They may just be in a bad mood. They may have had a bad day. Give them leeway.
– They found what you said or did triggering.
– They may have different values from you.
– They may not have enough nuanced vocabulary words to describe what they are really thinking or feeling.
You can’t control people’s thoughts and actions, but you can control your own reactions. How you receive their comments is up to you; you don’t have to take their comments literally or personally.
And yes you can let the comments slide; you don’t have to call them out on every mis-statement that comes out of their mouth.