Even with a ‘we’ mentality, your spouse still can’t read your mind.

If you don’t know what you want, then how can your spouse know?

She: “Please support and encourage me to go to the gym.”

Day 1:
He: “How was the gym?”
She: “Stop that, you make me feel bad. I didn’t get to the gym.”

Day 2:
He: (let me try another angle) “At what time are you going to the gym. I’ll make sure I’m home for the kids.”
She: “I’m too tired.”

Day 3:
He: (let me try another angle) “Did you get to the gym today?”
She: “Stop it. You’re driving me crazy. I know I told you to be supportive. I don’t like how you are reminding me.”

He: “What would feel supportive and encouraging?”
She: “I don’t know, but so far you haven’t gotten it right yet.”


Be fair to yourself and to your spouse: figure out what you need, what makes you feel supported and ask for that. Outright. And then, you’ll probably get what you need.

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