From “Your Way” or “My Way” to “Our Way”

Each one in the couple may different techniques for doing things. These may come from the way you were brought up, or things you observed, or techniques that you developed on your own.

You might see those as ‘my way’ and ‘your way’. As a couple, it is best to come up with ‘our way’. This may be taking on the way that one of you are used to doing it, or it can be developing a new way of doing it. It is worthwhile to have this conversation for each thing in a shared life (laundry, cleaning up after dinner, celebrating birthdays, preparing for holidays, for each specific thing). The idea is that you agree on the technique that becomes ‘our way’.

Ask, “Shall we do it the way you are used to, or the way I am used to/ Or is there a different way that we can do this?” 

Avoid using the words “your way/ my way”. It is more about figuring out ‘our way’ based on previous experiences rather than whose way is better.

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