The question of what to reveal and when is discussed here. In this article, we explore the question of how best to handle the process of disclosure in a way that will cause the least damage.
There is a wide range of issues that people may worry about bringing up during dating. His parents may be on the verge of divorce, she may be taking medication for anxiety, or he may be diabetic. Clearly, each situation is different. The specifics of individuals in question are important factors, and each issue is also very different. This is why it is important to take advice from someone sound.
How to share the information.
When you carry the burden of knowing you have a significant “imperfection,” the temptation is to portray every other aspect of your life as perfect, so as to mitigate the eventual revelation of the “single imperfection.” When your date is finally confronted with the reality, an enormous disruption is created between the implausible expectation and the harsh reality. As you have studiously avoided any reference to imperfections when the bubble of perfection is ultimately burst it creates a loud bang.
It would be more advisable to give off a more realistic portrayal of life from the outset and weave into that the factors that will make your weakness seem less threatening. You can provide the context of your life that will make it easy for your date to see how you deal with and manage your issue. Your date is more likely to accept that there is no reason to become overwhelmed by the information disclosed when he or she has got to know about the reality of your life during previous dates. Likewise, your date will be more able to handle the revelation if it is not wildly inconsistent with the impression they had formed during the previous dates.
To illustrate, say you have a significant back problem, and you believe that it rises to the level that it needs to be put on the table before the relationship gets too serious. If all your date has ever learned about you is that everything is just fine, then presenting out of nowhere that you have had several operations on your back may feel like you have dropped a bomb. If on the other hand, you speak about your fitness regiment and how you have to exercise to keep yourself healthy, then when you do spell out the nature of the problem your date is more likely to feel okay with it.
Or perhaps you have been in therapy for several years with depression, and the advice you were given was to bring this up once both of you are discussing the prospect of marriage. If throughout the dating process you never touched on emotional or mental struggle, your date is going to have no way of expecting this information and may react with shock. If instead, you were more open throughout about how you have sometimes struggled in school and have had to learn how to succeed despite your difficulties, your date is likely to feel more relaxed when you mention the medical diagnosis.
Another significant benefit in presenting a more credible picture of your life from the beginning is that your date is much less likely to feel deceived. Being informed about the nature of the condition is less likely to elicit a negative reaction if your date has been presented with a realistic image of your life.
Your attitude and mindset are so important.
Clinical Psychologist Dr. Benzion Sorotzkin suggests that people adopt a wholesome mindset towards themselves and any imperfections they may have. You need to that you have much to offer in a relationship and that you are not determined by your greatest weakness. You do not need to project an image of perfection to be regarded as a valuable and desirable person. Dr. Sorotzkin suggests that people remember that the person they are dating is not perfect either, and not expect that any admission of flaws or challenges will be taken badly.
While full disclosure of particular information may be best handled at a later stage in the dating process, it is never too early to set the scene by sharing information relating to the issue.
Speak about your challenges in a positive light.
Dr. Sorotzkin advises that when people speak about their challenges, it should be framed in a positive light. Triumph over adversity is a characteristic that many will admire and appreciate. When you tell your date about how you have faced and dealt with obstacles you have faced in life, it will give him or her a greater appreciation of your character. Even when your date has to absorb some difficult information, they will contextualize it with the impressions he or she has already formed about your strength of character and your ability to overcome obstacles.
You can read the full article from Dr. Sorotzkin here: