It’s not all about equality and fairness

Happy marriages are about positive feelings – not a perfect 50/50 split.
When a couple writes up a “contract” of who does what, it’s no longer about unconditional love and supporting each other. If there is this keeping of score, there will inevitably be anger and resentment.

It’s not about being equal in everything, it’s about caring about each other and working together to make things work for the household and relationship. And sometimes it won’t feel fair.

If one of you is feeling unwell, the other might take over some tasks. Or when one has a deadline at work. Or preparing for a simcha. Or caring for a sick child or parent. One might be doing more work than the other. It may not be equal and fair, but it is the right thing for the situation.

If you feel like things have been unfair for a while, don’t hold it in. You might say, “I am overwhelmed with all that I am doing. We need to discuss how and who and when things get done so that it feels manageable. When would be a good time for that conversation?” No scorecard needed.

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