PAST EVENTS: Recordings and Related Resources

Asking your Spouse for Change with Yeshaya Kraus, PhD, LCSW

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad talks with Yeshaya Kraus of Shalom Taskforce about how to ask effectively for what you want and need.

Key Takeaways

  1. Before a conversation make clear what your goals are: is it to share how you feel or to find a solution.
  2. Use “I” statements.
  3. Set a time to talk, don’t put them on the spot which can make them defensive.
  4. Spouse is not a mind reader. Best to ask for things directly.
  5. Asking for something you need doesn’t make you selfish.
  6. Asking “why did you do that” comes across antagonistic. A better way is “what made you do that?
  7. Acknowledge and show appreciation when they are making progress or even working on something that is important to you.
  8. Best way to express your thanks or gratitude is saying it directly. If you are spouse is uncomfortable, you can put it in writing [sticky note].
  9. Think of a way to address their needs that you know about but maybe neglecting. If you don’t know- ask. “I want to do something for you, what can I do?” Be direct and say it verbally.
  10. Turn emotional need into an action. “I’m feeling disconnected, can we go out on a date, cup of tea, watch something together.”
Scroll to Top