Apology Languages

Not all apologies sound the same.

We have different ways that we prefer to hear an apology (just as there are different ways we feel loved, your ‘love language’).

It is important to understand your own apology language so that you can share this information with others to help them understand what you need. It is also helpful to hear from others what their apology language is to improve communication.

One is not better than the other, we simply prefer a way of apologizing and feel most heard when our apology language is spoken by others.

The 5 Apology Languages are:

– Expressing regret
– Accepting responsibility
– Making restitution
– Genuinely repenting
– Requesting forgiveness

Take this quiz to better understand your own Apology Language. Then, read about how you ought to apologize to your spouse (when you will inevitably do something that hurts them).

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Your spouse failed to acknowledge your wedding anniversary. S/he should say:

You were proud of your accomplishment, but your spouse acted as if it was trivial. S/he should say:

Your spouse failed to consult with you on an important matter of mutual interest. S/he should say:

Your spouse knew how you felt about a matter and knowingly went against your wishes. S/he should say:

You were trying to tell your spouse something important, and they acted disinterested. S/he should say:

Although you had expressed your annoyance with a particular habit many times before, your spouse continued exhibiting the behavior to spite you. S/he should say:

Despite a promise to keep your secret, your spouse broke your trust by telling their family. S/he should say:

Your spouse came very late to the concert and you were waiting outside for them. S/he should say:

Your spouse lashed out in anger against you when you had done no apparent wrong. S/he should say:

Your spouse made an insensitive remark about you in front of friends. S/he should say:

Apology

Based on your responses, your preferred language of apology is EXPRESSING REGRET. You want to hear the other person express their sincere feelings of regret, guilt or shame over what they did or said.

Based on your responses, your preferred language of apology is Accepting Responsibility. You want to hear an admission from the other person that they recognize that they are at fault for what they said or did that hurt you.

Based on your responses, your preferred language of apology is Making Restitution. You want to hear that the other person will find a way to make amends. Your role is to help them know what it is that they can do to make it up to you. DO NOT make them come up with the idea; there is no point in them trying to make it up to you but doing something that you do not appreciate.

Based on your responses, your preferred language of apology is Genuinely Repenting. You want to hear the other person promise and share a plan to change, so the problem doesn't happen again.
REQUESTING FORGIVENESS

Based on your responses, your preferred language of apology is Requesting Forgiveness. You want to hear an explicit request for forgiveness.
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