Intimacy implies vulnerability

If you’re going to be intimate, you’re going to allow someone to see parts of yourself that you’d rather not have people see. You’re going to allow someone into that part of your existence, into that part of your mind and heart that you yourself are not exactly comfortable with.

And you don’t know how the other person is going to treat it. And you don’t know how it’s going to feel to have someone else scrutinize that part of you that you’re a bit ashamed of. But that is the whole meaning of a relationship.


The whole idea of a relationship is that we stop being alone. And the only way you stop being alone is if all of you, particularly that part of your self that you’re sensitive about, is no longer alone.

If you can share that with another person, you have ended your loneliness. As long as that part of you is still alone, then you’re alone.


Intimacy means that you become attached. You become joined. You belong together. There are difficulties. There is embarrassment. But it’s a shared embarrassment. Whatever happens after that connection takes place, it’s shared. It brings you closer together, not further apart.


excerpts from: Intimacy by Rabbi Manis Friedman (


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