Working Through Concerns

You have a concern, work through it. Do not dismiss the shiduch on the false notion ‘if it is meant, it shouldn’t be so hard’.

You have a concern. Do not yet dismiss the shiduch on the false notion ‘if it is meant, it shouldn’t be so hard’.

Actually, it can be an excellent opportunity to experience what working through an issue might be like with the other person.

By discussing it, you gain so much. This can deepen a connection and move you as a couple to the next level. Or, you can be even more clear that you are not a good match.

If after a few dates you are still ‘unsure” if s/he is the “right one”, ask yourself “What additional information will I need to make this decision?” rather than just keep dating without a plan…

​Go directly to your date and have a candid conversation. Do not analyze on your own, or with friends and family.

First, figure out just how to word your concern. Get advice from people who are more experienced than you.

Usually, you cannot imagine the reason/ rationale behind the issue. Therefore it is best to discuss directly with your date.

Discussing your feelings or concerns may be intimidating, but it can be the real litmus test for a relationship. Throughout your life, you will need to have such conversations, this is a good time as any to start having these difficult conversations.


Can you trust that s/he won’t mock, belittle or make fun of you?
Do you get the feeling that s/he really cares about your concern?
Is the conversation respectful even if you don’t agree?
Does s/he listen to your perspective?
Does s/he seem to be say different things depending on what s/he thinks you want to hear?

NOTE!

There are some concerns that should be discussed with an objective third party or professional, and not directly with the other person.

Just be sure that you are not inferring or reading into things, and that you are getting useful insight.

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You have a concern, work through it. Do not dismiss the shiduch on the false notion ‘if it is meant, it shouldn’t be so hard’.

 


You have a concern.  Do not yet dismiss the shiduch on the false notion ‘if it is meant, it shouldn’t be so hard’.

Actually, it can be an excellent opportunity to experience what working through an issue might be like with the other person.

By discussing it,  you gain so much. This can deepen a connection and move you as a couple to the next level. Or, you can be even more clear that you are not a good match.

--

If after a few dates you are still ‘unsure” if s/he is the “right one”, ask yourself “What additional information will I need to make this decision?” rather than just keep dating without a plan… 

Go directly to your date and have a candid conversation. Do not analyze on your own, or with friends and family.

First, figure out just how to word your concern. Get advice from people who are more experienced than you. 

Usually, you cannot imagine the reason/ rationale behind the issue. Therefore it is best to discuss directly with your date.

--

Discussing your feelings or concerns may be intimidating, but it can be the real litmus test for a relationship.   Throughout your life, you will need to have such conversations, this is a good time as any to start having these difficult conversations.

Can you trust that s/he won’t mock, belittle or make fun of you? 

Do you get the feeling that s/he really cares about your concern? 

Is the conversation respectful even if you don’t agree? 

Does s/he listen to your perspective? 

Does s/he seem to be say different things depending on what s/he thinks you want to hear? 

 

NOTE!

There are some concerns that should be discussed with an objective third party or professional, and not directly with the other person.

Just be sure that you are not inferring or reading into things, and that you are getting useful insight.

 

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