Describe what you are feeling about the experience rather than just the experience itself.
Instead of “What was that for?” or “I don’t like when you say that”, say “I felt hurt by those words.”
Instead of “You are so lazy.”, “You never do anything around here”, ”I hate that I am the only one who does anything around here”, “Get up and do something for once”, say “I feel stressed with all the details of managing this household.”
Instead of “You are so stupid”, “That’s such a stupid idea”, “That will never work” say ““Your approach makes me anxious” or “I am worried about your approach; I fear it might cause problems for us.”
Excerpted from Marriage 911, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R and Chaya Feuerman, LCSW-R authors.
In expressing feelings, it is helpful to use words that refer to the specific emotions rather than words that are vague or general.