#030: Talk to someone to help you process your dates.

Talk to someone to help you process your dates.   Someone wise and objective. They should be guiding you with questions, not telling you what to do next.

All people who are dating for shiduchim – no matter how many people they have dated – ought to have someone “outside” their usual circles with whom they can talk about this particular dating experience.  Someone beyond their parents, siblings and friends.  Someone who cares about you, but is not that close to you. 

What should you expect from such conversations?

  • They will ask questions to help you uncover what is concerning you and holding you stuck.
  • They might mirror back to you or summarize what you just said so you can hear your own thoughts. “So what I am hearing is that on one hand, you enjoy his company, but there is something about his trustworthiness that is niggling you.”
  • They should help you come up with some next action steps, so you can tread the delicate steps of shiduchim. You may come up with some language together about how you might word a sensitive question.

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