Sit in your spouse’s chair (metaphorically). Try to understand why they did whatever it is that they did that is triggering a negative reaction in you.
Try to look at the situation, problem or argument from their point of view. Try to see what might have been going on for them right before the incident, what might they have been thinking or experiencing, what might that have triggered for them. How is it inline with their personality or style? Was their intent malicious or was it more neutral and you took it differently than was intended?