According to the Gottman Institute, 94% of the time, the way the conversation begins determines how it ends.
In other words, discussions will end on the same note they begin. If you start an argument harshly by attacking your partner, you will end up with at least as much tension as you began with, if not more.
Soften the start-up of your conversations about conflicts and those conversations will likely be resolved in a more amicable manner.
The goal of this soft conversation opener is to protect both you and the other from feeling either attacked or defensive. When done correctly, you can bring up a legitimate disagreement, concern, issue, complaint, or need without blaming your partner or judging their character.
Complain – with I statements. State how you feel about what happened (or didn’t happen). Without blaming or judging. And state your need or what you would like to happen. “I am exhausted from chasing the kids all day. I seem to be the only one with the kids today. I need a break.” Compare that to a blaming and judging statement. “I can’t take it anymore. I’m the only one who does anything around here. Can’t you do something already!”