[Rejection is part of Dating]

How to deal when when one party ends the shiduch and the other is hurt.

To clarify, this is about when one party ends  the shiduch and the other is hurt, also known as ‘rejection’.

It happens more often than not during shiduch dating. Two people are dating and then one determines that this isn’t going to result in marriage and ends the relationship.  The other feels rejected.  This is all part of dating, as painful as it is.

While being told that you are not a good match might be painful, it is easier if you understand that statistically, rejection happens.

Actually, a better way to look at it: ‘Rejected’ is just a shortcut to saying many more words: “As wonderful as we both are separately, I believe that we are not meant to be together as life partners.”

That too is from Hashem.

This is not a rejection of you personally, of who you are.  It is that the other person felt that you are not a match for marriage with them. If you dated for a while, then obviously they think well of you to keep on meeting and hoping that the relationship can lead to something deeper.

As possible, take what you can from the experience and move forward. What did you learn about yourself?  Did you become somewhat more assertive?  Did you push yourself to be vulnerable and share about yourself?  What did you learn about what you want in life and in a spouse?  And, what new interesting things did you learn from the other person?

Try to find the positive, lighter side of it all. Be grateful that it was not you who had to make the decision; it is often gut-wrenching and difficult for them too.

What not to do

  • Do not badmouth or start rumors about the other person.
  • Do not share anything that was shared with you in confidence.
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