[‘Obligatory’ Second Date]

The obligatory (automatic) second date. Lots of different perspectives on this.

The obligatory (automatic) second date. Lots of different perspectives on this.  Here are some:


Perspective 1. 

Some first dates are just duds; they just don’t don’t go well, for whatever reasons. On a second date, both open up and can get to know more about each other.


Perspective 2.

Committing to a second date is not committing to a marriage; it is simply giving the shidduch a shot to unfold. Give it a chance.


Perspective 3.

It isn’t respectful to the other person to not give it a second date. Unless it is an absolute ‘no!’.  And an absolute ‘no’ is one where your gut reaction to the thought of spending another minute with the person is, “Oh no!!”  The  other person is so different from what you want from your life, or a real selfish jerk, or dangerous.  


Perspective 4.

If I have to be convinced to go out a second time, then what’s the point?  How many of those forced second dates really turn into marriage anyway?


Perspective 5.

If one is not so sure and the other is interested in meeting a second time, then the shadchen should convince them to go again. If however, both are not interested, the shadchen should just let it go, even if they put a lot of energy and time into the shiduch.


In short, most people do go on a second date, if it is not an absolute ‘no’.

(As far as expenses for a “I don’t believe this is going anywhere” date, many are opting to go for a coffee for a second date.)


What to do on a second date

You might go someplace quiet for another conversation about neutral topics. To see if you really want to share about yourself with this person, and if you are comfortable to do so.

Or, you might ‘do’ something so you can see each other in a different context than sitting and having a small talk conversation.  You might take a walk, go to a museum; there are lots of possibilities.


What you might talk about on a second date

You can follow up on something that was discussed during the first date. This shows that you were really listening and thinking about the conversation even after the date.

You might start sharing and asking a bit more about each other. 


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