Try to work through your feelings and thoughts with an objective third party, like your mashpia. Someone besides your best friend or parents or siblings. (Sometimes, parents are so loving that they aren’t objective enough for these conversations.)
- Go out again until you are sure – either more positive feelings or negative feelings will arise.
- Think how you would feel if the other didn’t want to continue with the shidduch. Your thoughts might be indicative of your deeper feelings.
- Take a break to get some space to really process and think.
- Or the flip. You might go out for a few days in a row, with no time to process and then process after a week. See if you feel something has grown.
- Talk this through with your date. Maybe the other is willing
to change (let the beard grow, dress more Tznius, cut down on spending,
drinking…) , and let them try it out for a few weeks and see if they can really
live with that change.
Caveat: Talk this idea out with someone clearheaded and wise.
If you have negative feelings, make sure it is not just your mood. Allow some time to pass, or go out at least once more. Or, take a break and see how you feel.