You have a concern. Do not yet dismiss the shiduch on
the false notion ‘if it is meant, it shouldn’t be so hard’.
Actually, it can be an excellent opportunity to experience
what working through an issue might be like with the other person.
By discussing it, you gain so much. This can deepen a
connection and move you as a couple to the next level. Or, you can be even
more clear that you are not a good match.
If after a few dates you are still ‘unsure” if s/he is the
“right one”, ask yourself “What additional information will I need to make this
decision?” rather than just keep dating without a plan…
Go directly to your date and have a candid
conversation. Do not analyze on your own, or with friends and family.
First, figure out just how to word your concern. Get advice
from people who are more experienced than you.
Usually, you cannot imagine the reason/ rationale behind the
issue. Therefore it is best to discuss directly with your date.
Discussing your feelings or concerns may be intimidating,
but it can be the real litmus test for a relationship. Throughout
your life, you will need to have such conversations, this is a good time as any
to start having these difficult conversations.
Can you trust that s/he won’t mock, belittle or make fun of
Do you get the feeling that s/he really cares about your
Is the conversation respectful even if you don’t
Does s/he listen to your perspective?
Does s/he seem to be say different things depending on what
s/he thinks you want to hear?
There are some concerns that should be discussed with an objective
third party or professional, and not directly with the other person.
Just be sure that you are not inferring or reading into
things, and that you are getting useful insight.