[Decide with your Own Head]

Decide with your head; not anyone else’s opinions.

You have to make the decision about marriage – yourself, with your own head.

​Do not let anyone else’s reasonings or schedules impact this very important decision.


First listen to your head, then to your heart. 

Just because you both are having fun together, are you really compatible for marriage? Enjoying each other’s company is just one part of a successful marriage. You have to be able to work well together too.  You are choosing a Life Partner, for all aspects of life, not for having fun together. 

Don’t look for external signs (I always wanted to marry someone who likes to hike, both our grandfathers knew each other in Samarkand). 

Are you infatuated and missing red flags, or does this really make sense? Love does not conquer all. 



You have to make the decision – yourself, with your own head.

Don’t let anyone pressure you. You must be very confident that this is what you want. 

If you have concerns about a particular issue, do not ask others what they think it might mean. Rather, ask for advice about how you raise your concerns.  (Good questions to discuss with your mashpia or confidante.)

You can only get an inside perspective from the person you are dating themselves, not from others. Get clarity only from your date.  And then examine how you feel about it.


Good questions to ask your mashpia/ confidante:

  • How can I raise my concerns over what she said?
  • How should I tell him that I disagree or am uncomfortable with what he said/ did?
  • I’m worried about our compatibility in such and such an area. How can I explore things with him so I can get more information about that? ​

Not good questions:

  • Do you think he meant it when he said X?
  • Do you think this means she’s going to be like X if we get married?
  • Do you think X is a problem? 



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