When we avoid our own emotions, we end up downplaying everyone’s emotions, living as if feelings aren’t significant or worthy of acknowledgment. This mindset can cause us to overlook or brush aside the emotions of others because we’ve conditioned ourselves to believe they’re not a big deal. We simply don’t notice or tune into our […]
Ignoring your own emotions impacts your relationships and your whole life. Read More »
Every emotion has degrees, from diminished to fiercely intense. Different words have different temperatures. Monitor your language and make sure your language isn’t minimizing or exaggerating the intensity of emotions. Match your words to the actual intensity of your emotions. –> Are you feeling blue, stressed, heartbroken, dejected, or depressed?–> Are you feeling satisfied, glad,
Match your words to the Intensity of your emotions Read More »
Responding, while technically a reaction, takes into consideration the desired outcome of the interaction. Reacting is emotional, responding is emotional intelligence. Reactions are driven by the beliefs, biases, and prejudices of the unconscious mind; they are done without ‘thinking’. When you react to life, you’re acting emotionally from either memory or old habits. Responding means
Don’t react, respond. Read More »
Emotions are our natural guidance system—and they are more effective when we don’t try to fight them. There are major benefits to feeling what we don’t want to feel. Our emotions are telling us something about what is important to us. When we get the job or get recognition for our contributions, we feel happy
There are benefits to feeling what we don’t want to feel. Read More »
Living with clutter can be adding to your stress. It is worthwhile to go through your stuff and purge. For some people, this is not so easy. There are all sorts of reasons why we hold onto things. Most are emotional reasons. For the memories. Because we think we may need them in the future.
Decluttering without emotion. Read More »
In a situation, where you might have responded with defensiveness, you’d do much better by asking questions. Ask with genuine curiosity and respect to show that you are eager to learn and know, to better understand. The question should be an invitation for the other person to share what is going on; so it should
Feeling defensive? It’s better to ask questions. Read More »
Your body sensations tell you what is going on for you. Different emotions are felt differently in your body. Think about how your body feels when you are anxious and when you calm. Scientists have researched and created HeatMaps that show where in the body different emotions are felt. Love is felt as warmth all
Pay attention to your body. It tells you about your feelings. Read More »
Thoughts and feelings are often used interchangeably. There really is a difference – a big difference. ONLY USE THE WORDS ‘I FEEL/ I AM ‘ WHEN FOLLOWED BY A TRUE FEELING, NOT A THOUGHT/ OPINION. Feelings “I feel/ I am” followed by [a feeling] “I feel [sad, mad, glad, scared]” “I am [sad, mad, glad,
Thoughts and feelings are very different Read More »
BASIC I STATEMENT: I feel ___ when ____ ex: I feel worried when I think that you’ll be home for dinner and you aren’t here for hours and I don’t hear from you. – I FEEL Avoid words that may seem like emotions, but really imply the action of your partner: “I feel…ignored, annoyed, mistreated,
Use “I statements”. Avoid “You statements” of blame and accusation Read More »
When you describe your feelings, do you use clarifying words to make them understood. “I’m sad and tearful” …” I feel a yearning to be closer” …”I’m feeling rather hurt and withdrawn” …”I’m stunned and embarrassed”. Notice that the description directly identifies the emotion. Attacking with your feelings means using your affect as a weapon.
Describe your feelings rather than attack with them. Read More »
