“There is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit.” – Ronald Reagan In a healthy marriage, each focuses on doing good things for the other and the relationship without worrying about getting credit for it. Don’t keep score of who does more or who
Focus on connection, not competition. Read More »
When we take our spouse into account, we are being mindful of their needs and desires. When we make an effort to understand our partner’s perspectives and work to meet their needs, we create a relationship where they feel valued, heard, and appreciated. On the other hand, when we don’t take our spouse into account,
The ripple effect of considering your spouse. Read More »
Instead of making an assumption or jumping to conclusions about something your spouse said or did, be curious. You’ll get a more accurate understanding of what is going on. And it will deepen your relationship.Curiosity leads to a deeper understanding of one another. Curiosity helps both of you grow. By asking and answering questions, you
Curiosity deepens your intimacy. Read More »
If you fill your head with positive thoughts, there won’t be any room left for negative ones. Every day, think of at least three good points about your spouse. Everyone has good in them. We just have to notice. Even negative behaviors can sometimes stem from positive traits, or have a positive side to them.
Emphasize your spouse’s good points. Read More »
Words are powerful; they can help, heal, hurt, harm. Words like “You make me feel special” or “What can I do to help?” can enrich a relationship. Of course, words said deliberately to hurt or belittle are damaging to a relationship. Certain words or phrases can be ‘triggering’ (for both good or bad) as they
Can you list your spouse’s trigger words? Read More »
Time takes time. There is no shortcut. Building a successful marriage relationship takes time. It is only with time that you learn the ebb and flow of your marriage. It takes time to know what makes each other tick, what you each like and dislike, how to make each other smile, how to pull the
Know each other’s strengths and gifts, and then highlight and appreciate those. Work together to develop those strengths. People calibrate their behavior based on what is valued and recognized, and what isn’t. Our beliefs about our spouse really affect how they view themselves in life in general and in the marriage. When you are cognizant
Focus on your spouse’s strengths to strengthen your marriage. Read More »
Talk about your spouse’s wonderful character or good work to others. Tell them how much you appreciate your spouse. Firstly, your spouse will look good in front of those other people. And, it keeps you in a positive frame of mind about your spouse and your relationship. This strengthens your experience of your relationship. Your
Say nice things about your spouse behind their back. Read More »
When you say words of affirmation in your relationship, you are strengthening communication and intimacy between you and your partner. You are showing them that you notice and appreciate them. When your partner feels appreciated, they are likely to experience a deeper satisfaction with themselves and with the relationship. Everyone appreciates words of affirmation – even if
Words of affirmation deepen your relationship. Read More »
A double standard is a rule or principle that is unfairly applied in different ways to different people. In a marriage, double standards may show up as one expecting their needs to be met without meeting the needs of the spouse. Sometimes this is done without even realizing it (albeit, sometimes it is intentional). Do you expect
Are there double standards in your marriage? Read More »
