A hurt is a hurt and needs healing – no matter if it was an accident or done on purpose. We must apologize for any hurt that we inflicted.
When someone tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.
If someone was physically hurt, their body needs to heal – no matter how they got hurt, no matter if it was done by accident or intentionally.
In the same way, if someone was emotionally hurt – no matter if the hurt was inflicted by accident or on purpose – the hurt needs to be healed.
If something you did hurt another, you must apologize. No matter if you did it on purpose or not. No matter if the other totally misunderstood your words/actions. No matter if they are more sensitive than you think is reasonable.
Since you care so much about your spouse and the marriage, acknowledge that you did somehow contribute to their upset.
Later you can ask what you did that upset them so much (tone matters). Later you might learn about triggers and sensitivities. But for now, just apologize for being part of the reason they are hurting.
NOTE: It’s not “I’m sorry IF I upset you” or “I’m sorry that you got upset by this.” It’s full on taking of responsibility. “I’m sorry THAT I upset you.”