If your spouse isn’t satisfied with your apology

As in all communication, the apology is in the hands of the receiver.  You may be very sincere, but it is up to the receiver to determine if the apology makes it mark on them.

If your spouse is still upset after you apologize, you might ask:

“I know that I hurt you. I can see it in the way that you respond to me. I am sorry. Please tell me what hurts you the most about what I said/did?”

They will likely respond in a way that gives you a clue to what they would like to hear in the apology.  (see the section about Apology Languages)

Here’s another way you might get to better understand what your spouse wants to hear from you:

“On a scale of 1-10, how sincere do you feel my apology was (the other night?)”  If they anything less than a 10, then you can follow up with “What could I do to bring it up to a 10?”

One more:

“Was there something else I could have included in my apology that would make it even better?” 

“What could I say or do that will help you feel whole again/ consider forgiving me?” 

from When Sorry Isn’t Enough

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