Use “I statements” to avoid positive judgments

“You are so wonderful” and “You do that so well.” can be subconsciously felt as judgments, albeit positive ones. Positive judgments express what you think about the other person. Even though these are positive judgments, they still put the recipient in the position of being judged and the praise-giver in the position of judge. And they can be impersonal.

A better expression of appreciation includes how you feel and value who the other person is, using I statements.

“I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You seem to always know just what I need to hear.”

“I love the flowers you got. They’re orange my favorite color and they make me feel so cheerful.”

I statements make the expression so much more personal. It tells how the speaker experienced the other person. “I felt relieved because of what you had done.” “I feel loved because you went out of your way for me when you did that.”

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