There are different ways that people work through an issue. Do you know your spouse’s preferred way?
Working in their own style, the person comes to a resolution. The External Processors think out loud. They love brainstorming sessions because they get to work through their ideas with other people. The Internal Processors like to be alone with their thoughts as they work them out.
If you want to bring something up to your spouse, recognize their style. Don’t expect them to necessarily work in your way.
If you are an external processor married to an internal processor, recognize that your spouse may not be ready to talk through the issue right when you bring it up. Give them a heads-up on the topic so they can think about it alone before sharing their thoughts on the matter.
If you are an internal processor married to an external processor, it is likely that you have already given thought to the topic even before you bring it up. So be patient as they talk through their thoughts. It is especially important that you don’t knock their ideas as they think it through. (You probably also had thoughts that you eventually realized aren’t the best way to go).
• For the external processor: When you are thinking something through, make sure others know you are working it out, so they don’t confuse your thinking process with your final ideas.
• For the internal processor: Share with others that you require space to think to offer your best ideas, so they know you are not checking out or blowing them off.