If you did something that hurt your spouse – even if they hurt you too– own up to your part and apologize. Do not insist on a reciprocal apology. Don’t even anticipate one.
You do what you should do. You are only responsible for and can only control your own words. The other person is responsible to do what they ought to do.
In a sharing and caring relationship, each will apologize because they want to maintain and deepen the loving relationship.