Words to Avoid: “I’m not mad.”

If you are upset about something, don’t let it fester. But then again, maybe you aren’t ready to talk about it. Say that.

  • “I am upset, I need to gather my thoughts about this before I talk about it.”
  • “I’m not ready to talk about it.”
  • “I’m upset, and just want a little bit of time to myself to calm down so I don’t say something stupid. I’m not leaving, and once I’m calm I’d love to talk about this.”
  • “I still love you, and always will, but I just need some time.”

You might really be feeling another emotion that is not anger. Tune in to what is going on for you and share that.

  • “I am hurt by what you said/ did.”
  • “I was not expecting that. I am confused by what happened.”

(Side point: If you are feeling some other emotions, but they perceive it as anger, then reflect on how you are presenting. If they think you are angry, you are somehow projecting anger.)

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