There’s no way you could really know what your spouse really wants if they haven’t expressly told you what they want. You can’t read their mind. Of course, you can try to read into their hints or reactions, but you won’t know for sure.
Make it easy for them to tell you. Invite feedback. – “How am I doing as a husband/ wife to you?” – “When you said you want [whatever] from me, is this what you meant? Am I getting this right?”
– “What could I do differently?” –
The way you respond to their response will tell them if they can be honest in the future. Be thankful for their sharing.
– “Thank you for sharing that. Now I know.”
– “I didn’t realize how this would have impacted you. Thanks for telling me.”
– “I’m sorry for how it did it in the past. Now that I know I hope to do better. Please tell me again if I miss the mark.”