People-pleasing is a way of trying to control our environments and other people. We are trying to get a certain outcome by doing something (or avoiding something). In other words, we are trying to manipulate the situation.

When we are people-pleasing*, we are not sharing our authentic self, we are not giving feedback to the other person to know how we are really feeling about the situation. We are lying by omission. We just do (or avoid) so the other person will be pleased.

But trying to make everyone else happy because we’re afraid they won’t like us doesn’t make those relationships stronger.

If we don’t trust people enough to be ourselves with them, we also don’t let them get close enough to love us as we are.

Worse, we might even become resentful. Or call them manipulative. All because we don’t want to accept responsibility for not being true to ourselves.

It may not be easy to say what you are really thinking or feeling, but being honest will either build the relationship or show you what is really happening in the relationship.

*This is different from intentionally choosing to give to someone because you want to give. A people-pleaser is more concerned about what other people think of them than caring for themselves; they give or do for others even at the expense of their own time, resources or emotions. People pleasers often act out of insecurity and a lack of self-esteem.