Consistently fan the sparks of positive feelings about your spouse.

When a couple makes a full and conscious effort to notice things they like about each other and then express those out loud to each other, their relationship is enriched.

Constantly look out for things that your spouse is getting right or doing well. Try to notice the small things that each of you contributes to your life together. Find reasons to offer compliments, praise and gratitude. That they went out of their way to buy the [ice cream, kale] that you like. That they warmed up the car for you. That they cracked a joke that distracted you from a stress. That they are so dedicated to the family. Their optimism, patience, creativity, ingenuity….

You might do this “Three Things I Like About You” exercise (from John Gottman). From a list of characteristics, choose three that describe your spouse. For each item you choose, think about an incident when they displayed this characteristic. Then share this with them; describe why this characteristic in them pleases you so much.