Every marriage will have its ups and downs. Even strong healthy marriages. There will be times that you have different perspectives and ideas about how something ought to be.

A couple with a healthy relationship will have respectful dialog about the issue, where both listen and feel listened to. Yet, sometimes, the issue is too large to resolve on their own. It is at these times that both talking to an unbiased third party – such as a Rav, mashpia, coach, therapist or other qualified professional – can really help.

This professional may ask some fresh questions, or turn the question around so that both see the situation differently. Or she may provide some outside insight into the situation. Or discuss some solutions that others have had to similar circumstances.

It is important to discuss who this third party might be – before the issue comes up.  When all is calm.

You may even bring up this topic during the dating.  Having this discussion during the dating period can give you much insight into the way your date thinks about working through a conflict. And how she or he responds to your uncommon requests (although this topic really ought to be standard for all dating) can tell you a lot about them. And how comfortable you are bringing up such topics with them.

You’ll learn a lot about your relationship through this one discussion.