Making your ‘lists’ and checking the boxes
with: Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier
Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad speaks with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier about lists and checklists. Do those lists help us in Shidduchim or do they complicate things? Do we really know what we really need in a spouse? How to know if the one you are dating is really your bashert? Rabbi Shafier talks about the paper test and the bashert test. We also spoke about the importance of knowing what marriage is about before dating. We unpack all that in this conversation.
Making your ‘lists’ and checking the boxes
with: Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier
Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad speaks with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier about lists and checklists. Do those lists help us in Shidduchim or do they complicate things? Do we really know what we really need in a spouse? How to know if the one you are dating is really your bashert? Rabbi Shafier talks about the paper test and the bashert test. We also spoke about the importance of knowing what marriage is about before dating. We unpack all that in this conversation.
Show Notes
(This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph)
—
To reach Rabbi Shafier
Website: https://theshmuz.com/
0:03:06 Creating a shidduch ‘list’
0:06:35 How to ‘know’ if this is the one (paper test & bashert test)
0:09:59 Using a list as a filtering system
0:10:48 Going out until you get clarity about yes or no
0:13:27 If you’ve never been married, how do you know what you need
0:15:32 Making sure your values are aligned
0:17:02 Checklists mess up shidduchim
0:18:18 Do people pass up on their bashert?
0:22:55 If you notice red flags
0:25:56 Infatuation vs love
0:29:35 Where do feelings come into the decision
0:32:18 Importance of honest sharing during dating
0:35:20 What conversations to have when dating
0:37:57 Have a good understanding of what marriage is before dating
0:40:02 Marriage is an institution, but it’s not a hospital
0:43:36 Marriage is taking a leap of faith
0:45:29 About the book
0:48:39 A metaphor about dating for marriage
0:50:45 Wrap up
—
To reach Rabbi Shafier
Website: https://theshmuz.com/
0:03:06 Creating a shidduch ‘list’
0:06:35 How to ‘know’ if this is the one (paper test & bashert test)
0:09:59 Using a list as a filtering system
0:10:48 Going out until you get clarity about yes or no
0:13:27 If you’ve never been married, how do you know what you need
0:15:32 Making sure your values are aligned
0:17:02 Checklists mess up shidduchim
0:18:18 Do people pass up on their bashert?
0:22:55 If you notice red flags
0:25:56 Infatuation vs love
0:29:35 Where do feelings come into the decision
0:32:18 Importance of honest sharing during dating
0:35:20 What conversations to have when dating
0:37:57 Have a good understanding of what marriage is before dating
0:40:02 Marriage is an institution, but it’s not a hospital
0:43:36 Marriage is taking a leap of faith
0:45:29 About the book
0:48:39 A metaphor about dating for marriage
0:50:45 Wrap up