“You just need to be more [understanding, positive, forgiving]” is diminishing because it tells someone how they should feel or act. It can make the person feel like their emotions or actions aren’t valid. It’s especially dismissive when it’s used to justify your own actions.

Of course, in a healthy relationship, spouses can gently guide each other to growth, but this depends on the context of the relationship and the setting in which it’s brought up. It’s important to approach these situations with empathy, respecting the other person’s feelings and viewpoints without imposing your own judgments or expectations. “I’ve noticed that sometimes when we’re dealing with [specific situation], it might help if we approach it with a bit more understanding and positivity. What do you think about us trying that?”

This approach invites a collaborative discussion and acknowledges the other person’s perspective, fostering open communication and mutual respect in the relationship.