When your spouse is talking about a problem, ask what they want from the conversation – to vent or a solution? Don’t share possible solutions when all they want is a listening ear.

If you are the one who is sharing, say what you want from the conversation. “I just need to vent.” “I’m feeling awful about this; I need a hug.” “I need to know that I’ll be alright.” “I’m asking for your insight about this.” “Please help me make sense of what happened.”