It’s important to resist the urge to jump straight into solving the issue until you fully understand the problem at hand.

Take the time to listen to your partner until they have stated the whole problem. By doing so, you’ll be better equipped to find a solution that truly addresses the issue and meets both of your needs.

Start by defining and articulating the problem at hand. It may be helpful to work together to find the right words to describe the situation. Confirm together that you both know what the problem is.

Once you have a clear understanding of the problem, it’s important to identify the underlying needs that the solution should address. Encourage your partner to state their needs, and as applicable, be sure to express your own as well.

 “What needs are you hoping to meet by resolving this problem?”
“How does this problem impact you personally?”
“How do you feel when this problem arises?”
“What would be the ideal outcome for you in this situation?”