Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings and ask for what you want in your relationship. Assertive is not aggressive, demanding or infringing on the rights of others; it more about being forthcoming and honest to share one’s thoughts, feelings, and desires.

“I’m feeling overwhelmed with all these errands. I need some things taken off my plate. How can we make this work?”
“I’m having a hard time concentrating with the loud music. What if you use headphones, or I can help you move the speakers some place else?”

• Assertive people tend to feel better about themselves because they are able to express themselves. When both partners are assertive with each other, this tends to increase the level of intimacy because they are able to share their honest feelings and ask for what they want and, thereby, increase the probability they will connect and understand one another’s needs.
• People who are assertive tend to view their relationship as positive while people who are avoidant tend to view their relationship as more negative.