When preparing for a difficult conversation, it’s important to understand the difference between motive and intention.

Motive is the underlying reason or emotion driving you to engage in the conversation. It answers, Why am I doing this? Recognizing your motive ensures you’re honest with yourself about why you’re having the conversation, whether it’s to express frustration, seek understanding, or resolve conflict.

Intention, on the other hand, is the desired outcome you want to achieve. It answers, What do I want to happen as a result? Setting a clear intention ensures the conversation is purposeful and directed toward a constructive outcome, whether it’s repairing a relationship, clarifying a misunderstanding, or setting boundaries.

Understanding both motive and intention gives you clarity and focus. By reflecting on your motive first, you can acknowledge your emotions and prevent them from taking over the conversation. Then, by defining your intention, you ensure that the discussion stays productive and solution-oriented.

For example, if your motive is feeling unappreciated, your intention might be to foster an open dialogue that strengthens your relationship. Aligning both motive and intention helps guide the conversation toward a positive and meaningful outcome.