The phrase “Choose your battles” is about recognizing that bringing up the topic will have consequences to the relationship. Life is too short to spend it on warring, and thus choose a battle that is critical and will bring you to a better place rather than fighting for fighting sake. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go.

Actually, the very word ‘battle’ can put us in a fighting mode, as well as a ‘win at any cost’ mindset – as if one must win and the other must lose. Not a helpful mindset for a loving relationship.

First and most important, accept that not everything will go exactly the way you dream or are accustomed to. We all have different ways of doing things. Sometimes, one way is better than another (putting shoes away vs leaving them laying anywhere in the house). Many times, it really doesn’t matter (hangers facing in or out).

Choose what is truly important. Think: “Is this worth addressing? Why?” “What is so bothersome about this?” “Is the cost of bringing this up worth it?”