Within every complaint, there is a request. It is important to be able to discern that request and not get caught up in the noise around it. Focus your energy on hearing what your partner is saying, or trying to say, and respond to that need.
• A complaint about the garbage might really be about not feeling like a team in taking care of household responsibilities.
• A complaint about spending habits might really be about feeling insecure about financial future.
• A complaint about in-laws showing up might really be about a need for privacy.
• A complaint about working too much might really be about wanting to spend more time together.

If you are the one who has a need that isn’t being addressed (as you hoped), express your longing in a positive way. “I really enjoy our time together. I wish we could spend more time together.” Timing and context are important when bringing up a complaint.

If you are the one to whom the complaint is being said, tune in so you can hear the underlying need or longing. “Tell me more about why you would like this,” (your tone matters – a lot).