When you try to correct your spouse (or suggest a change), you are using up some of those goodwill credits in your relationship. Even if you say it with love and concern only for them.

Nobody likes to be called out on their mistakes or failures, or even more so, on things they really can’t control.

Think of what your asking for a change might look like from their perspective. They might be thinking that you don’t respect who they are, that you don’t trust them, that you want a different type of spouse, that you think you are better than them, that you want to exert control. Of course, that would negatively impact the connection and relationship.

This is not to say that you can never ask for changes. Just know in advance that it deducts from that goodwill. Ask yourself: Is this particular ask worth it? If you deem it is necessary, present in a way that you know/hope will be best received.