Some people withhold the truth (or even straight out lie) because they want to avoid some pain or discomfort. But without honesty, there can not be intimacy and closeness.

Sometimes we are not open or honest because we want to avoid the pain that may come from the truth. Sometimes it is from trying to protect our spouse from the pain of hard truth. The thought is along the lines of “If I told you what is really going on, you’d be so [stressed/ hurt/ frustrated/ angry] so I’d rather hold back the truth.”

Sometimes we are not honest because we are afraid that we might lose the connection we have with our spouse.

Studies have shown that people would rather the truth and the pain than the betrayal of dishonesty. No matter how painful that truth may be, people appreciate the fact that their spouse has shared that truth. The truth hurts but the truth also heals. Many people have said the fact that the truth was not shared was worse than the truth. “What hurt more was the fact that you didn’t tell me. So not only did you tell a lie but you lived a lie.”