Nitpicking: It can be easy to pick apart aspects of your spouse that you dislike or don’t agree with. (Everyone has something.) When you point out what one another has or hasn’t done or how your spouse said or did something wrong, you are belittling, embarrassing, and demeaning them.
You’re also saying that you want the other person to change and that they aren’t good enough.
Essentially, nitpicking is a sign that you don’t fully respect your spouse. Even if this isn’t your intention, it can be received this way.
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Before you decide to nitpick, focus on your internal feelings. What is it that you really need? Attention? To be heard or seen? To feel good about yourself? There’s a good chance the nitpicking is just a poor attempt to get some other important need met.
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It’s important to accept that your spouse will have some habits that annoy you. All marriages have unsolvable problems are things you simply need to learn to live with.