It’s not that having expectations is inherently wrong, it’s more about what you do when those expectations don’t pan out.

You expected your [friend/ spouse/ whoever] to remember your birthday (and celebrate it in some special way). But they didn’t. Now what?

It was a reasonable expectation, but it didn’t happen quite that way. You could be overcome with a sense of frustration and then resentment and everything that follows that trajectory, like letting them (and others) know how disappointed you are.

You could. But, will that be helpful?

A flexible mindset can help us handle expectations. It’s not that we necessarily need to lower our expectations, but be ready to accept that it won’t go exactly as we expected.

The purpose of being flexible and reducing our expectations of other people is not necessarily to give other people around us some sort of gift or pass. The entire goal is to help us stop feeling constant frustration, anger, and disappointment from those around us.

(That said, this is not to say that you shouldn’t talk about the issue and try to resolve it for the future.)

If you cannot manage your resentment, lowering your standards will not help your anger disappear.