The mental load involves the invisible remembering and juggling of details, decisions, and constant problem-solving that keeps a household running.  Usually, the bigger bulk of this mental load falls on the wife. Husbands can help their wives by lightening that mental load.

1. Acknowledge and Appreciate: Start by acknowledging all the invisible tasks she does to keep the household running smoothly. Slow down and think about the myriad of details it takes to manage a home. Show your gratitude for her efforts in maintaining the household. Often.
2. Offload Whole Tasks: Help her by offloading entire tasks from start to finish. Take over responsibilities where she doesn’t need to think about it at all. This means that from her end there will be no planning, remembering, or reminding. For example, taking on the ‘garbage’ task completely, including taking out the garbage bags to the curb for pickup days, replacing garbage bags in the trashcan, cleaning up garbage spills and restocking the garbage bags.
3. Reduce Decision-Making: Reduce the number of decisions she has to make by minimizing open-ended questions and answers. Instead of answering “whatever you want,” make decisions yourself, even if you don’t have a strong preference. This reduces her mental load by eliminating unnecessary decision-making, no matter how small.  Similarly, avoid asking open-ended questions for matters where you can make a decision. Instead of asking, “Which restaurant do you want to go to?” make a specific suggestion such as, “I’m thinking we try the new Asian place.” By offering a concrete suggestion, you lighten her decision-making load. She will likely appreciate your initiative, but if she has a different preference, she will let you know.
4. Offer Specific Help: Instead of simply asking how you can help, offer specific suggestions based on your observations. For instance, say, “I notice you’re busy today, so I’ll take care of dinner and make burgers. How does that sound?” This proactive approach demonstrates your willingness to support her without adding to her decision-making burden.
5. Seek Input: Lastly, ask her directly what else you can do to lighten her load. By seeking her input, you demonstrate your commitment to supporting her and actively working towards a more equitable division of labor. This opens up communication and allows for ongoing adjustments based on her needs and preferences.