Everyone is unique and we think, process, react differently. We like different things. Some of it might be from upbringing or gender. Some of it is just personality, wiring, situational. Not better or worse. Just different.

It is worthwhile to pay attention to each other’s styles. Pay attention so you can file it for when you need to access it in the future.

You may actually write it in a journal, “The Book of [your spouse].” Jot down what the other likes or dislikes. When is the most effective time to bring up hard conversations, what topics they are sensitive to. What family members they rather not spend too much time with. What makes them tired or stressed.

Be curious, ask, “In such a situation in the future, how would you like me to respond?”

Check in with each other to see if your observations are accurate. “I noticed that in that situation, you reacted in such a way. Did I get that right? I want to know more about that.”

The more you know, the more you can be sensitive.